Job Jokes

For a lot of people, being a corporate slave is often unnerving after quite some time. They just couldn’t get used to it. But if they only sat for a while and thought about what sort of odd jobs other people are into…

Anyhow, here are some good old job jokes that I stumbled upon recently. Enjoy!

Could Be Worse

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this....

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock you doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in you favorite chair, open the package and remove the thermometer.

Then, carefully place it on a table or a flat surface, so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins- Take ou the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement.
"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested"

Finally, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times.

"I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson."

No Balls Needed Here…For Now

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.

"Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."

"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."

Where Do People Who Don’t Work Work?

A state government employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appears.

"For setting me free, I am granting you three wishes. So tell me what are they?" Genie asks.

"I wish for a brand new Porsche right now!"

Boom!

Right in front of him appeared his shiny new Porsche. He jumped in and drove like mad.

"I wish to be on an island where beautiful young women reside."

Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully.

He tells the genie his third and last wish, "I wish I'd never have to work ever again."

Boom!

He's back in his government office.